Style questions

All linguistics can be discussed here -- this is the place to go to for discussion of how character names, item names, etc., should be translated.
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NoahSteam
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Style questions

Post by NoahSteam » Fri Jun 22, 2018 11:55 pm

Here are some great questions that Matatabi brought up:
1. Suffixes? Titles? Are we leaving those in? I tend to, including stuff like 'onii-chan' because there just isn't a clean and easy way to convey all the meaning of that term and make it sound reasonable in English. But I'm not married to the concept, so I'll change it if the overall consensus is no Japanese.

2. Iris speaks in third-person which sounds stupid in English, in my opinion. We're not having her speak in third-person in our translation right? I'm sure we can figure out some other way to convey that she talks like a kid.

3. Do we have a unified term list for regularly-used terms like the locations and the names of the organizations? I've stuck to your Floral Assault Group for the name of the squad, though I had trouble figuring anything out for 'Hana-gumi' so I've just been saying 'the troupe' when he's talking about them as performers and 'the Assault Group' when he's specifically referring to them as members of the military unit. It'd also be good to unify everyone's name for each location.

4. Ogami ends a lot of things with '-ka' which I've been rendering as 'I guess I'll...' or 'I think I'll...' (example: I think I'll go check somewhere else/I guess I'll head somewhere else). Is that cool? How laid-back are we writing Ogami as? We should probably have a style chart for each character.
I will leave this up to all of you translators to decide what sounds best for these.

CDC64
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Re: Style questions

Post by CDC64 » Sat Jun 23, 2018 6:45 pm

Hello! Here's my two cents on these issues, just as a fellow translator.

1 - I don't object to using honorifics, but I think we should be mindful that including them in every instance can break up flow sometimes. That said, I think in the case of military or nobility titles we should use an English language equivalent. Since this is a fan translation the intended audience are probably going to be familiar with -sans, -kuns, nee-s and the like already, but asking them to be familiar with stuff like hakushaku and chuujou is too much of a stretch, IMHO.

2 - I agree. Going for a childish tone for her dialogue, giving her a cutesy vocabulary etc. will sound much more natural.

3 - I agree a glossary or term list would be useful to make sure we're all on the same page. Just a spreadsheet on something like Google Drive would do the trick, something we can all see and add to (we can always discuss new terms here as they come up if need be).

4 - Personally I think "I think..." and "I guess I'll..." work fine (accounting for context, of course - I haven't read too far in but I imagine Ogami is less laid-back around his superior officers). I've noticed this can often be a problem with main characters when they're "thinking out loud" to give hints/directions to the player, you don't want to make them too repetitive, but there's only so much you can do with the "○○しょうか" sentence structure. Some of my favorite alternatives for mixing things up are "Better go to...", "Maybe I'll check in at...", and "Next stop..."

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NoahSteam
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Re: Style questions

Post by NoahSteam » Sat Jun 23, 2018 7:21 pm

Yea I agree that we should translate military titles any anything besides the very common suffixes (sans, kuns, etc.). I’ll add these to the style sheet.

Speaking of which, as I mentioned earlier, there is a link to a style spreadsheet at the top of the translation files now. It’s basically just a link to a google sheets document. I’ll go ahead and allow you all to modify it as well. We can add what you said in #4 in there as well.

Developing some consistent childish vocab for Iris might be a good idea too. I’m not sure exactly what that would look like though. If you all have any ideas, do share them :]

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NoahSteam
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Re: Style questions

Post by NoahSteam » Sun Jun 24, 2018 4:52 am

I'll add that as far as the -san,-chan, suffixes go, I think they're best left out when they're part of a proper name. For example in this case

Image

I would translate this as:
"Eh!? You've had the chance to talk with Sumire!? I really envy you……" instead of Sumire-san.

When they appear as part of a pronoun like onii-san, oni-chan, etc, then obviously it makes sense to leave it in. However, there are times when it's best to just translate the onii-san, nii-chan, etc. as an English equivalent (Mr., brother/bro, etc.). So much depends on context though and sometimes it's difficult to tell the context of some of these lines.

-Right now I'm going with adding a -san/chan after Ogami and the other main characters when that's how it appears in the Japanese.
-I'm translating onii-chan as onii-chan because there's no good way to translate it.
-Onii-san I'm translating as Sir.
-Nii-chan I have translated as "bro" in one instance because the context in which it was used. (Some random guy getting mad at Ogami and basically saying 'Yo bro, hurry up!")

I'll also mention that there are youtube playthrough videos of this game (Some even with English subtitles). These can be helpful, but of course it's a pain to find the part of the dialog in the video that you might be working with so it's not super useful. Good to have anyways though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8zn9I0 ... TINUTSCj9o

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NoahSteam
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Re: Style questions

Post by NoahSteam » Sun Jun 24, 2018 6:56 am

Also I wanted to put it out there that I don’t know much Japanese. I can read and understand enough to be able to look at a corresponding translation and know which line of Japanese text it is referring to, but I certainly can’t translate from scratch. I’ve been relying on the gamefaqs translations thus far which is why it’s great to have real translators on board :D . My real expertise lies on the the tech side of things.

CDC64
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Re: Style questions

Post by CDC64 » Tue Jun 26, 2018 3:21 pm

I'm sure we'll run into all kinds of hilarious linguistic eccentricities going forward. ( ̄▽ ̄*)ゞ
Thanks for the info and updates!

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NoahSteam
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Re: Style questions

Post by NoahSteam » Tue Jun 26, 2018 6:35 pm

I mentioned this in the other thread as well but the style sheet is editable by everyone now.

Mikeneko
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Re: Style questions

Post by Mikeneko » Wed Jun 27, 2018 3:41 am

I’ve switched from leaving the honorifics in to taking them out, but now I’m leaning toward putting some of them back in. I think people tend to expect that “authentic” feeling in fan translations.

Should we should just go with “photo” instead of “bromide”?

Matatabi
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Re: Style questions

Post by Matatabi » Wed Jun 27, 2018 11:50 am

Yeah that's what I'd go with.

Eien Ni Hen
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Re: Style questions

Post by Eien Ni Hen » Wed Jun 27, 2018 7:15 pm

I've been leaving out all of the normal honorifics (san, kun, etc.) because like CDC64 said, they can break up the flow of dialogue. However, I agree that "Onii-chan" (what Iris calls Ogami) should stay as-is.

How do you all think we should localize Kohran's lines? She speaks Kansai-ben.

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